Worlds Smartest Inventions 4 transcript
narrator: Tonight, truTv presents... announcer: Order now ! narrator: ... 20 incredible inventions. announcer: IntroducingFlying Pasties !man: Yeah !narrator: All guaranteedto make you feel great,from head...man: Why didn't I thinkof that ?Oh, 'cause I have self-respect.narrator: ... to toe.man: Thank God this came along.For so long, I've been duct-taping flashlights to my feet.narrator: Amazing new creationsfor your whole family.man: That is a Bear Scratch !( roaring )narrator: Even your pets.woman: Oh, my God.It's a *** buddyfor my dog !narrator: Try any of theseinnovative new products.announcer: Now you havea secret weapon in the battleof the bulge.man: That's a lot better thanself-control.narrator: Satisfaction isguaranteed.( phone ringing )man: How do you answerthat one ?narrator: With helpfulproduct reviews from thesesatisfied celebrity customers.Daniel: You want to strengthenyour wristsand really have fun ?You don't need this.narrator: "truTV Presents: TheWorld's Smartest Inventions."woman: Ladies, check this out.narrator: Available right here,right now.man: Get the fork out of here !announcer: Ever bring foodto work or school,but when it's break time,your food has vanished ?woman: Hey !Anthony: Hi, Anthony Sullivanhere for the Fridge Locker,the easy-to-use, personal,portable, food security system.woman: It's just a great way totell your coworkers,"I don't trust you."Anthony: Simply put your food ordrinks into the Fridge Locker,set the lock to yoursecret combination,and now your food is securewherever you take it.Use your Fridge Locker inthe fridge, freezer or pantry.woman: Help, I'm a snack thatwants to be eaten bya different person than the onewho put me in here !woman: Hey, does anyone have thecombination for the mayonnaise ?Anthony: Want to keep snacksunder wraps so the kidsdon't grab too many ?Now you can help monitorwhat your kids eat withthe Fridge Locker.man: Perfect forthe negligent parent !Anthony: I know whatyou're thinking.What prevents someone fromtaking the whole Fridge Locker ?man: Don't tell me whatI'm thinking, Anthony Sullivan.I'll tell myself what I'mthinking, thank you very much.Anthony: Well, even if you takeit, you still can't get into it.It's so strong,it'll hold my body weight.Still not convinced ?We put it to the ultimatestrength test.This is a real-life,800-pound grizzly bear,and even he's having a hard timegetting into the Fridge Locker.Billy: If you've gota grizzly bear at home,don't enrage it by giving itthe Fridge Locker.Let it be.Anthony: Order right now andwe'll send you a secondFridge Locker absolutely free.That means you get twoFridge Lockers, a great value,all for just 19.99.Mike: Can you just sell 'emfor $10 each ?You gotta lay another one on methat I gotta try and pawn offto someone ?Anthony: So stop those"refridge-raiders"and keep it safewith the Fridge Locker.Brad: I want--No !I'm allowed three beersa shoot !Come on !( commentator growling )announcer: Our animal companionshave needs like our own.Natural needs and impulsescan now be satisfiedwith creative, modern design...Tonya: Oh, my God.It's a *** buddyfor my dog !announcer: ... in a way that isdelightful to us all.Daniel: The only thing moreembarrassing than letting a doghump your legis buying him a sex toy.Mike: Well, pooch,I got good news and bad news.The good news is,you get to keep your balls.The bad news is, you're gonnahump this thingfor my entertainment.Go.announcer: Simple, effective,hygienic.Michael: Dishwasher-safe.Judy: Honey, Spike was at itagain, I need youto clean this out.announcer: Created in France bymasters of *** design.Kevin: Thanks, France.I feel like this should count assome sort of UN violation.Leif: Monsieur.Your little dog is in heat ?Why not get the Hot Dollfor your dog ?Frank: Would an American evermake a stupid ( bleep ) thinglike this ?No.Loni: I know somebody fromthe cast is gonna try this.Go ahead, John Enos.man: Like this.You want to get behind itand go in and out.There you go.announcer: The Hot Doll.The first and original sex toyfor trendy dogs only.Chelsea: Let's stop playinggames and castrate your dog.Thank you.Bye.announcer: What can you sleep inand party in ?all: JumpinJammerz !announcer: Do-anything,wear-anywhere,footed pajamas.Daisy: JumpinJammerz !They're pajamas that...are pajamas.all: JumpinJammerz !Kevin: Now you can leave yourpajamas on all the timeand continue being in a state ofdenial about yourcrippling depression.woman: Pajama party,JumpinJammerz.Danny: Hey, if I buy one ofthose things, will those modelscome over toone of my sleepovers ?all: JumpinJammerz !Chelsea: I am tired of havingto take off my pajamas justbecause I'm in a social setting.I am 100% behind this product.Brad: Yeah !JumpinJammerz !What, what ?It's like I'm in some kind ofpreschool street gang.man: Oh, I'm sorry.Excuse me.How you doing ?man: Game time.JumpinJammerz.Daniel: Nothing's more manlythan watching the big gamewith my brosin a toasty pairof footy pajamas.Billy: Now, are you sureit's a game.You sure it wasn'tmen's figure skating ?Daniel: Oh !all: JumpinJammerz !announcer: Do anything,wear anywhere.Life's a pajama party,crash it !Jaime: You should crash life ?Doesn't that implyyou weren't invited ?announcer: Don't wait.Order your pair of JumpinJammerztoday.man:If you get yourJumpinJammerz now,we'll throw in these diapersand a rattle and a pacifier.all: JumpinJammerz !Brad: Who's readyfor a party now ?Come on !Ted: Hey, FYI, these don't comewith a back flapfor you to go to the bathroom.Don't ask mehow I found that out.narrator: Coming up...more amazing innovations.man: That is a Bear Scratch !( roaring )Chelsea: Yeah, no one's pumpedabout this.'Kay ?narrator: Plus...announcer: Stashitware !Just like regular underwear,but with a secret 7-x-11-inchpouch.Daisy: Shoplifting ***,woo !narrator: But wait !There's more !announcer: The ShortBelt is likea traditional belt,only shorter.man: Now when my friends ask me,"Are you wearing a belt ?"I can say..."Kinda."narrator: And,no more T&A for the TSA.announcer: Just put these soft,pliable panelsinside your undiesand keep prying eyes from spyingon your privates.Mike: What I've been doing istucking my junk backbetween my legs.It doesn't protectmy privacy,it just gives 'em something totalk about back there.narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.Richard: Hi, I’m inventorRichard Heene.If you itch like a son ofa twitch, then you need mylatest invention, thepatent-pending Bear Scratch!Daisy: Do you itchlike a son of a twitch?Then take your son,put him in a balloon,fly it up in the air,call the media,launch a massive manhunt and—Wait, wrong scam.Um, Bear Scratch is awesome!Richard: The secret is in thisnatural textured wood and all these tiny knots.It gives you a deep, deeppenetrating scratch and—Oh, man, this thing feels good.This thing’s strong.Oh.Oh, God.Now that’s a Bear Scratch!That is a Bear Scratch!(roaring)Chelsea: Yeah, no one’s pumpedabout this.’Kay?So bring it downabout 12 notches.Richard: (roaring)Michael: He wasn’t this fired upwhen his kidwas “missing” in the balloon.Richard: One movefor a 36-inch groove!Keep on thatchingfor a full scratching!Mike: This guy’s more annoying than I ever imagined.Stop rhyming all the timing with your stupid commercial.Richard: Bear Scratch is so easy, you just stick,screw, sway and scratch!Danny: That doesn’t sound like a slogan.It sounds like somethingI’m gonna have to explain to the cops.Richard: You could pay $7 fora lightweight back scratcher.I mean, come on, man,look at this.You could own your ownBear Scratch for only 19.99.Mike: He doesn’t really understand howinfomercials work.He’s like “For $7,you can get this one, or for$20, you could get mine!”Billy: Do you know where I canget the flimsy one?Do you sell the flimsy one,too?Kevin: You know, I don’t thinkI can commit to buying thisuntil I see that dad exploit hiskids for money one more time.boy: Come on peopleFrom everywhereLet’s get together And scratch like a bear Kevin: Okay, now I’m in.boy: Scratch like a bearUp against a treeIt’s fun for youAnd fun for meBear Scratch Wow!Mike B.: You want to eataround here?You want a Xbox Kinect?Then you get your *** in thereand you do this bear video.Choreography and everything.Yes, Dad.man: Richard HeeneWith his Bear ScratchRichard: Honey, I don’t need you anymore! I can do it myself! Chelsea: Um, that’s great,honey.Because I do want a divorce. Okay?This is working out perfect.announcer: You need so muchstuff when you’re going out.Pockets don’t have enough roomand they certainly aren’t private.Now there’s Stashitware!Just like regular underwear,but with a secret 7-x-11-inchpouch.Daisy: This is a wonderful product tie-in for oursister show,“ World’s Dumbest Criminals.”Shoplifting ***, woo!announcer: Just pull forward on the elastic waistband to expose the pocket seam andstash ‘till you’re fully loaded.Mike T.: Well, where am I supposed to keep my ***,smart guy?Jaime: Where’s the lady version?I want to stick thingsdown my pants, too.announcer: If you can hold it,you can stash it.Cash, keys, condoms,lighters, jewelry,cell phones.Mike B.: Did he put a cell phone in there?Yes, he did!( phone ringing)How do you answer that one?Mike T.: I was just trying toget my cell phone out,and now I’m not allowed within 500 feet of a school!announcer: Even cigarettes.Brad: That is one way to keeppeople from bumming a smokefrom you anymore.Chelsea: Why do these cigarettes smell like balls?announcer: Stashitwareis so neat and easy to use.Billy: You can store anything in the Stashitware—a flashlight, corncobs,cucumber, zucchini and two oranges.Leif: Oh, yeah.Whenever you’re feeling in the mood to play,all right, stash it away.There we go.announcer: Don’t get caught with your pants down,but if you do,now you can be sure your stuffis safely stashed.Todd: I used a pair of those to bring my lunch to work.It kept it nice and warm.Also kinda cheesy.announcer: Don’t delayorder Stashitware today!Loni: Is that stuff in your underwear of you just happy to see me?announcer: As Americans,we still have some basic rightsand freedoms,but airport security acts likethey don’t respect that.Full pat-downs, body scans.How can you preserve your God-given American rightto privacy?Introducing Flying Pasties!Just put these soft, pliable panels inside your undiesand keep prying eyesfrom spying on your privates.Jaime: Come on, TSA employees don’t make that much.You want to take awaytheir perks?announcer: Flying Pastiesare comfortable,washable, and best of all,they do it in style,with custom images and messages.Kevin: Because if anyone cantake a joke, it’s a TSA agent.Brad: Oh, no, Officer.I’m not giving you the finger.My junk is.Ted: I put a cartoon box cutteron mine.Daisy: I’m gonna customizemy Flying Pasties to say,“That’s right,I’ve been breast-feeding.”announcer: Security will knowthat you’re not carrying anything but attitude.Mike T.: What I’ve been doing istucking my junk back between my legs.It doesn’t protect my privacy, it just gives ‘emsomething to talk about back there.announcer: Flying Pasties.Take back your freedom for just 19.95.Order now!Billy: So do they make one ofthese that’s big enough to cover my gun?announcer: Reclaim your right to privacy.Stop those eyes from prying,and keep your junk to yourself.Leif: When you invent something where I can hide stuff up my ***and them not see it, then yougive me a call, okay?announcer: What’s a Short Belt?The Short Belt is like a traditional belt, only shorter.A sleek and original accessory everyone is talking about.Rob: Stop!I want to talk about something else!announcer: Simply pull throughany two loops through your pantsor shorts and you’ve added aneasy and fashionable accessory to your overall look.Loni: Are we gettingso lazy in America that we can’t even wear a whole belt?Daniel: I never wake up in timeto thread my beltthrough all six loops.announcer: It’s flexible and comfortable to wearall day, every day,without the undue strainon the lower back and tummycaused by traditional belts.Mike B.: I’ve never felt anyundue strain because of my belt.Judy: I went to the back doctor the other day.He recommended the Short Belt,and I recommended him to go to hell.announcer: With Short Belt,you don’t have to trade comfortfor fashion.Danny: You can give up both,with the Short Belt.announcer: It can be wornon the side, front or backof any size cut of pantsor shorts.Jaime: This stylish pieceof elastic and tin goes withevery crappy outfit you have.Plus, if you go to prison, theylet you keep the Short Belt ‘cause it’s not long enough to hang yourself with.announcer: Construction workers,carpenters, golfers,even waiters and waitresses loveShort Belt for its comfortable design while working.Billy: You know, waiters and waitresses,those style icons.announcer: Its compactand practical designmake it a must-have for men,women and children of any age.And it makes a great gift.Brad: Short Belt’s the perfectgift for your boyfriend or girlfriend that you’re trying to break up with.This should do the trick.announcer: If you’re wearing a belt, make it a Short Belt,the accessory no closetshould be without.Wes: Now when my friends ask me:”Are you wearing a belt?”I can say...”Kinda.”announcer: Order your Short Belt today.Chelsea: I’m gonna saythis is not a product for me.I just use a regular belt orbuy appropriately sized pants.So that’s me.narrator: Coming up...more amazing,life-altering inventions.announcer:BrightFeet,the high-tech house shoesthat light up your night.Ted: Now I no longer have to sleep in a miner’s helmet.Thanks, BrightFeet!narrator: Plus...Anthony: The Grill Glove resiststemperatures up to 500 degrees,making it perfect forhot baked potatoes and more.Chelsea: Sir?I’m gonna ask you very nicelyto stop shouting at meabout a baked potato.narrator: Then later,deception as invention.woman: Girls, if you reallywant to fool him,the Liar Card let’s you changeyour voice to sound like a man.Mike T.: It’s gonna be so funnywhen somebody gets a phone call from a number they don’t recognize and the personon the other endsounds like a demon.narrator: When”World’s SmartestInventions” continues.announcer: Ouch!Stubbed your toein the middle of the night?Stumbling around in the darkis dangerous.Don’t turn on the light and wake up the whole family.Mike T.: Thank Godthis came along!announcer: Now there’s BrightFeet, the high-tech houseshoes that light up your night.Mike T.: For so long,I’ve been duct-taping flashlights to my feet.announcer: Slip them onand safely and easily navigateyour path to the bathroom. Jimmy: This is for a rich man.A poor man put a bucketin a room and don’t have togo nowhere.John: Turn the (bleep) lighton, you lazy piece of (bleep).announcer: With BrightFeet,there’s no more struggling to find a switch.You’re hands-free!Chelsea: Man, I mean,what a cliffhanger when that hand was trying to find that light switch.Mike T.: Oh, God!Light switches,so hard to master!announcer: It’s like thepersonal nightlight that moveswith you anywhere.It’s the latest crazesweeping the nation!Daisy: It’s the latest crazesweeping the nation...of my house, which I’ve justdeclared a sovereign nation.announcer: And BrightFeet makes the perfect giftfor anyone or any occasion.Wes: Happy Martin LutherKing Day, Grandpa.We got you some slippers.announcer: Everyone lovesBrightFeet.Judy: They don’t comein a women’s 12.This is the story of my life!announcer: Don’t pay over $40for a pair ofold-fashioned slippers.Order your BrightFeet for theincredible price of only 19.95.Ted: Now I no longer have tosleep in a miner’s helmet.Thanks, BrightFeet!announcer: Pick up the phoneand order your BrightFeet now!announcer: You can keep warmwhen you feel the chill,but your pets can quiver,shake and shiver.Not anymore!Now there’s the Pet-ZZZ-Pad.The American Kennel Cluband Cat Fanciers’ Association-branded pad is designed to cradle your petin warming comfort.Judy: You inventeda heating pad.Wow.Marianne: I kinda thought furtook care of an animal’stemperature.announcer: Pet-ZZZ-Padautomatically activateswith just a step,generating warming 102 degreecomfort and heat.John: It’s a great slow cooker.What you do is you just put your pet on it in the morning,and then at night when you comehome, you’re gonna havea sizzling hot meal.Mike B.: You gotta make surethat you cook it goodon both sides.announcer: The Pet-ZZZ-Pad isflexible to fit any space.It molds to your pet’s body,providing cradling,comfortable warmth.Daniel: After a long day of*** his brains out on a Hot Doll,there’s nothing my pet enjoys more than a well-deserved reston a Pet-ZZZ-Pad.announcer: Plus, the cordis protected in a steelchew-resistant casing.Wes: A chewing challenge for a dog is like telling a kidnot to press the red button.announcer: The Pet-ZZZ-Pad isperfect for small dogs,cute puppies and contented cats.Brad: Or Grandma.man: It provides a safe,warming comfort zone,whether you have a cat or a dog.Billy: I tried it with my fishand the results were disastrous.I also tried it with my grizzlybear, the one who had sucha problem with my Fridge Locker.He just tore the thingto shreds.(commentator growling)announcer: If your petdoesn’t love it,just return for a full refund.Order now.Kevin: Uh, I don’t wantthe heating pad, but I do wantto buy every single animalin that commercial.They are adorable.announcer: Do you love to grillbut get frustrated by clumsy tongs and rusty utensils?Anthony: Hi, Anthony Sullivan here for the Grill Glove,the heat-resistant cooking glovethat puts the power of the grillin the palm of your hand.Loni: I love Anthony Sullivan. Anything he’s selling,I’m buying.Anthony: The Grill Glove is madeof 100% food-grade siliconeso you can grab your grubright off the grill.Danny: This is not howI usually end up with a handfulof silicone.(rim shot)Anthony: Hot potatoes are hard to handle,but the Grill Glove resiststemperatures up to 500 degrees,making it perfect for hot baked potatoes and more.Chelsea: Sir?I’m gonna ask you very nicely to stop shouting at me about a baked potato.Thank you.Anthony: Built-in flame-deflection technologytriples the surface area,protecting your hand longer.Mike B.: This is rubber.What—What, are these ridges?Is that the technology?Marianne: It confuses the fire!The fire doesn’t know where to go!Anthony: And it’s waterproof.You can grab an egg right out of a boiling pot of water and it’s great for lobsters, too.Kevin: You know,I wouldn’t really say that’s great for lobsters.Maybe it’s good for you,but I bet the lobsters aren’t too psyched about it.Ted: I deliver babieswith these things.God, I love midwifery.Anthony: Call now and get theGrill Glove for just 14.99.Loni: Wait a minute, Anthony.Can you double my offer?Anthony: Or order right now,and I’ll double the offer.You’ll get a second Grill Glove,a $15 value, yours free.Loni: I still—I need something else.Anthony: You’ll also receive the Lava Mitt, a $15 value,yours free, too.Loni: A Lava Mitt?I’m— I’m sold.Okay, thank you, Anthony.announcer: Don’t delay.This limited-time offeris not available in stores.Judy: I found a very good usefor the Grill Glove.Huh?Huh?announcer: It’s a whole new world out there,and we have to be prepared for anything, any time.Ladies, now you can be,with the Emergency Bra.A regular brafor day-to-day use...but in an emergency,a lifesaving device.Brad: For when you’re dressing up for a night of terror.announcer: Developedby a Ukrainian doctor after Chernobyl,this modified bra removes easily in the event of smoke or gas.Daniel: It took 25 long years,but somebody finally foundChernobyl’s lacy silver lining.Kevin: So you’re telling me,all I have to do to get a girlto take off her brais to fake a nuclear disaster?announcer: Simply detach cups,attach the custom-placedhook and strap,and a snug-fitting breathing filter provides filtered air.Danny: Great,just what we needed.For chicks’ brasto get more complicated.Todd: If she puts her braover her face,I’ll just take my chancesand bury my face in her chest.announcer: And cup sizedoesn’t matter.Any size Emergency Bra can beadjusted to a workable fit.Loni: My bra don’t fit likea mask, it fit like a hat.A big ol’ hat.Brad: Loni could save a village.announcer: While nota substitute for specialized emergency devices,the Emergency Bra provides cleaner air for critical secondsuntil help arrives.It could mean the difference between life and death.Chelsea: I feel like even in the midst of a terrible disaster,I could carve out some time to laugh at a woman wearing this.announcer: Don’t hesitate.Order your lifesaving Emergency Bra today.Mike T.: Do they sell thesepre-worn?I have a friend that likesthe smell of *** sweat.Okay, it’s me.narrator: Coming up...announcer: The GoateeSaver,designed to give you the perfect goateeevery time you shave.Daniel: It lets you say” I’m a *** bag”without even moving your mouth!narrator: Plus, a weapon against the battle of the bulge.announcer: Tighten yourwaistline and trim down yourlove handles with SlimTs.Mike T.: I was gonna stop havingice cream for lunch,but this is much easier!narrator: And gizmos to help you indulge.man: Trongs are great for eating messy so-called finger foods.man: Like buffalo wings.man: And barbecue ribs.Mike B.: What kind of prissy little invention is this?How long does it take to wipe your hands off?narrator: When “ World’s SmartestInventions” continues.announcer: Your goatee is muchmore than just facial hair.Your goatee helps fashion your identity.Introducing the GoateeSaver,the exclusive grooming tooldesigned to give you the perfectgoatee every time you shave.Daniel: It lets you say,”I’m a *** bag”without even moving your mouth!announcer: Men everywhere arediscovering how fast and easythe GoateeSaver makes grooming.Frank: Goatees pare (bleep) out, okay?They’re not evenin style anymore. announcer: Simply set to fityour goatee style,secure with mouthpiece,then start shaving.Rob: In case your goateeisn’t terrifying enough,just put on this creepy Hannibal Lecter face mask.announcer: It’s shavingperfection made simple.Jaime: See, I like thisinvention, ‘cause forat least a little while,it stops guys with goateesfrom talking.announcer: Here’s what satisfiedcustomers are saying.man: It saves time without sacrificing my look.Chelsea: Wait a minute.He doesn’t look like the guyin the ad.man: Takes the guesswork out of goatee grooming.It’s a perfect shave every time.Bryan: Thanks a lot,GoateeSaver.Now I can finally get that***-mouth lookI’ve been looking for.man: Faster shave.woman: Fantastic look.Kevin: Okay, for our lady model,we’re gonna need you to smilebut make it look like you’ve never smiled beforeand you kind of don’t know how.commentator: And, action!Ehh...man: The latest ingoatee grooming is here.The GoateeSaver.Take one home today.Tonya: Well, hell, ladies.We can put this down here and we can shave around it, too!Woo!Dual purpose.Jimmy: Yeah!announcer: How would you like to get these sameincredible results without dieting,without exercising,without pills, instantly?Now you have a secret weapon in the battle of the bulge.Tighten your waistline and trim down your love handles with SlimTs.Mike T.: Problem solved! I was gonna stop having ice cream for lunch,but this is much easier.announcer: Just wear SlimTs under your clothes for thesesame instant results.Brad: You may wear the pantsin your family,but now both of youcan wear girdles.Bryan: It may be hard to breathe, but hey, that’s a lotbetter than self-control.Loni: I don’t want to see a man in no girdle.If I feel on you, I want to feelthem love handles.Let it all hang out.man: In two minutes, SlimTssolved a 20-year problem.You can really tell this wasdesigned for a guy, I love it.Kevin: You know, there’s another way to tame your beer belly.Uh, do a sit-up.Or two.announcer: The secretis our 12 specially engineered structured panels.SlimTs will tighten your stomach in the front,trim your love handles on the sides,and our specially designed criss-crossed back paneldramatically improvesyour posture.John: Look, it’s got a crosspattern to lift and separate.Brad: Wow, this really—This works.This feels really good.(tearing)man: The job market out there is really tough and with SlimT,I looked good, I felt good,and that’s why I got the job.man: Hey, you’re totallyunqualified for the job,but you look so damn trim!announcer: Call now and getSlimTs to try for yourselffor the unbelievable priceof only 19.95.Rob: Why address a real problem?SlimT.Why stop eating garbage?SlimT!announcer: You have nothingto lose but inches.Pick up the phone and orderSlimTs right now.Mike T.: See you later, belly!Seriously, I’ll see you laterwhen I take off my SlimT.Dan: Hi, I’m Dan.Eric: And I’m Eric.both: And these are Trongs.Dan: That’s T-R-O-N-G-S.Eric: The utensil that standslike a tripod.Dan: So they’re easy to pick up.Eric: And put back down.Danny: Trongs,the only utensil that sounds likean evil alien race.Judy: I thought it was, like,underpants for truckers.Dan: Trongs are great for eatingmessy so-called finger foods—Eric: Like buffalo wings.Dan: And barbecue ribs.Mike B.: What kind of prissylittle invention is this?How long does it take to wipeyour hands off?Jimmy: This is what you use toeat chicken wings, right here,and you lick your fingers.Eric: Trong’s teethtear wings apart.Dan: And they rip ribsright off the rack.Daisy: Who is the intendedaudience for this?An obese, wing-eatinggermophobic Howard Hughes?Eric: Trongs are awesome foreating sushi.Dan: Trongs are like...both: Chopsticks on steroids.Kevin: I wonder if they andDanny have the same dealer.Dan: But now, when you use Trongs, you can pick up yourbeverage between bites.Eric: Free up your fingersfor texting.Chelsea: That makes no sense.You’d have to takethe Trong off.Whatever.I’m not gonna get into itwith you guys.Dan: I used to use a fork.Eric: Get the fork out of here.Brad: Fork you,you forkin’ fork face.Ted: It’s great for groomingyour buddies, too.Billy: Oh...Yeah, that feels great.Yeah.Okay, right there.Eric: Order your made-in-the-USAsix-pair pack of Trongs—Dan: For just 20–Eric: 9.95.Dan: 9.95?Eric: 9.95.Dan: That’s 12 individualdishwasher-safe Trongs.both: For just 9.95.Daniel: That seemslike a fair price,though I could just growmy fingernails really longfor free.announcer: You poke, cut,squint and swear,but you still can’t thread that needle.Anthony: Hi, Anthony Sullivan here for the One Second Needle,the needle with the built-inthreader.Wes: Is there anything that Anthony Sullivan won’t endorse?Billy: I don’t even needto know what it is.He can just go aheadand send it to me.Anthony: Instead of takingthe thread to the needle,you take the needleto the thread.Just loop and thread,it’s that easy.Use it for sewing buttons,hemming pants,mending tears and more.Todd: You know, this is 2011.Do people really sew?Anthony: This is a giantOne Second Needle.All you do is loop and thread,it’s that easy.Mike B.: Did you really need to get the giant needle to show ushow effective it is?What about zooming in?That would have worked.Ted: Hey, I’d like to use thatgiant needle to fix the holes in my circus tent.woman: I’ve been sewingall my life, but lately,my vision has changedand I haven’t been able to thread a needle.Then, I discoveredthe One Second Needle and I can sew again.Kevin: I think thatwhite-haired lady just needs to see an eye doctor.Billy: I didn’t realize that old people sewed, too.I thought it was just something that the kids were doing.Anthony: Call now and you’ll getfour One Second Needles,two large and two small,for just $10.And order now and find out about free shipping.Judy: Okay, how much do you honestly, would that shippingcost, if it wasn’t free?44 cents?Anthony: As a bonus,we’ll double the value to eightOne Second Needlesand include this essential sewing-and-mending kit.Mike T.: You were telegraphingyour punches, Anthony Sullivan.I knew you were gonna double it.Anthony: That means you geteight One Second Needles and a 130-piece sewing-and-mending kit, a $40 value,all for only $10.Chris: You know what elseis a $40 value?Buying a sweater.Anthony: Whether you’re a novicesewer or an expert tailor,anyone can thread easily withthe One Second Needle.And remember, call right now and find out about free shipping.Marianne: This is great.I did have the Two Second Needle, and I must say,the One Second Needle’s a lot quicker.Mike T.: One Second Needle,that was actually my nickname for awhile, I don’t like to talkabout it.narrator: Coming up...announcer: Pure Illumination.Light up your lips withthe touch of a button.Kevin: Is this for women whodon’t know where their lips are by memory?narrator: And...announcer: Snazzy Napperis here, the snazzy way to sleepwhile you travel.Chris: Get ready to takeantisocial toa whole ‘not her level.narrator: Plus...announcer: Introducing Get-A-Grip.It’s like a complete gymfor your hands.Loni: A gym for your hands? I don’t go to the gymfor my body.narrator: When “World’s SmartestInventions” continues.announcer: Shed some light onyour lips with newPure Illumination,a breakthrough in lip careand convenience.Light up your lips withthe touch of a button.There’s even a mirror on the tube.Kevin: Is this for women who don’t know wheretheir lips are by memory?Marianne: Where—Where—Ahh.There they are.Ahh...announcer: Nothing shines likePure Illumination’s built-inLED applicator.Chelsea: I’m so glad that they’re finding ways to put LEDin more stuff.I have it in my hairbrush incase I’m brushing my hair in the middle of the night.Judy: If you’re sitting in the dark, you don’t need lip gloss,‘cause no one can see your(bleep) lips, okay?announcer: Pure Illumination combines the healing powerof medical-grade lanolin,jojoba and vitamin E.Daisy: When you’re at a barand you’re too drunk to stagger off the barstool into the bathroom,treat yourself to some vitamin Eand jojoba.announcer: Enjoy naturalhydrating lip therapy and brilliant shine,even in the darkest of places.Judy: Really not attractive.I mean, you can see all boogers,any kind of blemishes,double chin.I mean, really.announcer: Order Pure Illumination now for only 19.95and light up your lips with the touch of a button.Mike T.: Here’s my idea.Sometimes I open my walletin the dark.What if a light came onin the wallet?Hey!Where’s my idea money?Someone give me a bag of moneyfor that idea, right now!announcer: Where do you Snazzy Nap?In the car?On a plane?Snazzy Napper is here,the snazzy way to sleepwhile you travel.Chris: Get ready to takeantisocial to a whole’nother level.announcer: The Snazzy Napper is a comfortable and cool,soft and lightweight sleep and privacy shield.Marianne: Mmm,designed by the Taliban.Daniel: How narrow-minded of meto assume that the women of the Middle East were oppressed?Turns out they’re just sleepy.Ay-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!announcer: The cushioned eyeguard provides maximum comfort and light exclusion.Mike T.: Ooh, that’s a fancy way to say “dark.”Wes: You know what else blocksout distracting sunlight?Eyelids.announcer: An oval nose opening on the Snazzy Napper provides for easy breathing.Ted: In case somebody wants to stick something in your mouthwhile you’re sleeping. Daniel: Oh!announcer: While others toss andturn trying to get comfortable,you can rest and relaxwith the Snazzy Napper.Michael: You can’t put a blanketover your head in the carwith the sun on you.Are you crazy?announcer: Snazzy Napper is so convenient and easy to use.It’s like privacy in a bag.Chelsea: You know what elseis privacy in a bag?Just a bag.Very private.announcer: Order your Snazzy Napper now.Brad: You could use this,or you could just sleepat night, like a mammal.man: Get strong hands.Get Get-A-Grip.man: Get Get-A-Grip.woman: Gotta Get-A-Grip.woman: Introducing Get-A-Grip.This workout tool incorporates ten incredible exercises to give you the upper handin everything you do.It’s like a complete gymfor your hands.Loni: A gym for your hands?I don’t go to the gymfor my body.announcer: Finally, there is a comprehensive workout endorsed by the chief of the Arnold PalmerSports Health Center.Danny: Arnold Palmer.Isn’t that the same guy that invented the cocktail with no alcohol in it? I have no use for that(bleep) guy.woman: Designed by fitness experts to strengthen and tonethe muscles in your hands,wrists, forearms, biceps and your triceps in easy,fluid motions.Marianne: Hey, check out thatguy with the tight, tight palms.Mmm.Brad: Fresh pepper?Fresh pepper?Kevin: Am I getting buffer?woman: But ladies,check this out.In only a few minutes a day, youcan say goodbye to those flabby,saggy underarmsand hello to shapely, tonedtank-top arms.Jaime: That is nota before and after.Billy: This woman,with the arm flab,she doesn’t need a Get-A-Grip,she needs emergency surgery of some kind.announcer: As part of ourspecial introductory offer,you’ll also receive thisconvenient carry-and-travel bag.Mike T.: Like,do you need a carrying—It’s a— It’s—I’m carrying it right now,without a case.It’s very easy.announcer: Get your hands andarms to look and feel younger.Pick up the phone and call now.Daniel: You want to strengthen your wrists and reallyhave fun?You don’t need this.Bryan: Thanks, Get-A-Grip!You’re the best!Thank you so much!announcer: Tired of stainedshirts while eating on the run?Isn’t there a better way to graba bite on the go?Introducing the Drib!Full-body protectionin a fast-paced world.Jaime: “The Drib”?Well, I guess “pig in a blanket”was already taken.announcer: Stay neat while you eat in your car seat.John: Are you (bleep)kidding me?Whatever happened to 10:00and 2:00?Daniel: Finally, I can enjoyeating delicious rotisserie chicken the way it was meant to be, behind the wheel of a speeding automobile.(horns honking)Thanks, Drib!announcer: The Drib comes inassorted colors and sizesand is weighted to stay onwithout slipping.Kevin: Or you can just weara Hazmat suit everywhereand pig out whenever you want.Daisy: This is great,because this is gonna replaceall those crazy bibs I normally keep in the car.announcer: And its pockets are perfect for holding snacksand leftovers.Chuck: It has pockets to catchfalling foodand your shreads of dignity.announcer: Save thousands in dry-cleaning bills and clothing costs.Todd: Just a giftfor the pig on the go.announcer: So say goodbye to stains.Get your Drib todayfor just 19.95.Loni: Why do all the inventions cost 19.95?Chelsea: There’s also a great product called a rest area,where you can pull overand eat your snackand then continue to drive. I love that product.Richard: Keep on thatchin’for a full scratchin’!narrator: You’ve just seen19 super-smart inventions,each one sure to change your life for the better,but the smartest of all...Anthony: Grab your grubright off the grill.narrator: ... the one you simply cannot live without is on its way.Eric: Get the fork out of here!narrator: See it and rejoice right after this.man: Everyone is talking about the beneficial featuresof the Liar Card.It’s an easy-to-use calling cardthat lets you control how yourcaller ID is displayed.Chuck: “Everyone’s talking about the Liar Card.”That’s a lie right there.woman: Let’s say you want to hide your identity when making a call.With your Liar Card,you can change your caller IDto appear as any other number and name you like.woman: When my boyfriend doesn’t pick up his phone because he sees that it’s me, no problem.I just use the Liar Card and pretend I’m one of his best buddies.man: Hey!woman: Then he picks up.Danny: Chicks are psychotic enough.Please don’t encourage them with the Liar Card.Daisy: But it’s not just for stalkers.man: I got this friend,he owes me five “G”s, right?And he’s ducking my calls,I’m getting so mad.So I tried the Liar Card, calledhim with his mother’s number.Badda bing, badda boom,he paid me.Frank: Hey, how you doin’?Hey, hey, honey, I’m at the (bleep) pizza parlour,you know what I’m sayin’?Oh!woman: Girls, if you really want to fool him, the Liar Card lets you change your voiceto sound like a man.Mike T.: It’s gonna be so funnywhen someone gets a phone call from a number they don’t recognize and the person on the other end sounds like a demon.man: And guys, now you can disguise your voiceto sound like a woman!Todd: Can you imagine Judy’s voice disguised as a woman?Hilarious!Tonya: Hello?”Judy”: Hi, Tonya.Yeah, it’s Judy.Tonya: Oh, hey.“Judy”: I wanted to know if you want to have a drinkthis Saturday night.Tonya: What?”Judy”: Yeah. I have kind of an ice-skating fetish.man: The Liar Card even tells you if someone is lying.man: Honestly, baby,I’m at work.man: Your phone will immediately alert you with a secret signal that the other party is lying.Kevin: So wait, your Liar Card detects lies from other people and then helps you lie aboutyour caller ID to someone else?Morally, this is very ambiguous.man: Well, of course I’m at the office, honey.woman: I got him.Chelsea: You know what elsealerts you to the fact that your boyfriend or husband’s a liar?(balls clacking)The sound of pool ballsbeing struck by a pool cue,so there’s all kinds of littletiny hints in the world itself.woman: Call today and try up to an hour of lie detection,changing your caller ID,voice disguise and recordingwith the Liar Card all for free.Danny: Hey, it’s like any goodtherapist would tell you.All relationships are builton a foundation of trustand cheap spy gadgets.man: Honestly, baby,I’m at work.man: Look all right?woman: Yes.man: Fantastic.Judy: Hi, how you doing?(laughing)Billy: Woo!Frank: I don’t get it.How does this (bleep) thingwork?man: Roar!Frank: Where do you shave?Here?woman: It’s so bright.Tonya: Rrrr.Danny: How do you getall this (bleep)?Chuck: Whoa.Michael: Surprise, surprise.Mike T.: Aw, yeah!Look at that!That’s hot right there.Daniel: Whoa!Brad: Who’s a sexy ducky?Leif: Life’s a party,make it a jammer party.woman: Oh, my God!Jimmy: Whoa!Rachel: I had your bare *** on my jacket.man: Welcome to the show, Rachel.